Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
