I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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