Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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