what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
