so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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