I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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