Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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