coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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