in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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