Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
