There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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