What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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