Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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