i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
