I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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