It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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