Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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