remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
