In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
