why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
