Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
