Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
tonight lets celebrate not being married
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
