Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
