im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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