did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
