Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
