i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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