hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
