at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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