I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
