I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
