i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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