He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
