guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
