we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
