dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize