at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize