I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize