please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
