Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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