Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
