im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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