You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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