Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He? As in you personified your dick?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
