6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
