the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
