I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
