Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
In America we eat man semen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
