weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
