Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
