I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
