I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
