I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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