Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
