meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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