I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
