Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
