smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I died a long time ago.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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