I think scott just propositioned me for sex
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
