probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
