I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
