so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
