Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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