those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
