I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
