you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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